'In Love' Kitchener Couple Each Receive Sentence Of 15 Minutes In Solitary Confinement

KITCHENER, ON Local couple have been sentenced with 15 minutes of solitary confinement each, for needing to talk to one another far too much.  Sources say that the husband travels for work and when he's away, the time apart is "more than [the young couple] can handle".  To put a stop to such a flagrant display of devotion and respect, a popular local judge has stepped up to the plate and offered to crack down on the two offensive love birds.  "They need to adapt to today's fast-paced, digital world.  The survival of our species depends on young adults, like these two here, being happy when they're apart.  15 minutes of solitary confinement is a very generous sentence for these two blatantly selfish and irresponsible individuals," the judge was overheard saying at a local historic pub.  "They're just so in love," Victoria Park retiree and dog walker says, "they're talking and laughing all the time.  Whenever I see them walking around, holding hands in those Smittens [(three custom shaped mittens for four hands)], I worry.  What if their regular communication habits rub off on all the children?  If not for themselves, they should stop doing it for the children." DML

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